Monday, May 30, 2011

A Miracle Moment #1

On Sunday, May 29, I was challenged by a dear friend to ask the universe for something, "anything", to which the universe would always respond "yes".  Since I had no idea what I would ask for prior to the challenge, there was a moment's hesitation between the challenge and the request as I thought about what I should ask for.  The shear number of suggestions that popped into my head during this moment was astounding.  Should I ask for abundance, love, peace, harmony, more sex, less sex (just kidding), health, joy?  Finally the answer was clear as if it was not really me making the decision.  Perhaps I had asked the universe for the question?  If I did the question I needed to ask became quite clear even if the answer itself was not.  Well, not at first anyway.

The conversations we have with the universe can occur at super-light speeds.   As quickly as I posed the request, it seemed the answer was echoing in my otherwise still mind.  It's funny, but when you still your mind the slightest breeze in it can feel like a hurricane-force gale.  In this case, both me and the universe sounded a bit like Gandhi talking through a megaphone; peaceful and content but with a touch of force behind the words.  Such conversations often bring a smile to my face.

In this moment, the conversation went something like this:

"I want more love and forgiveness to come into my life," I asked silently in the stillness of my mind.
"I can't give you any more, you have all there is to have," came the reply.
"Wait, you were supposed to say 'yes" to each request," I said rather abruptly to the Universe.
"I did say yes, long ago when you stated you wanted to know love and forgiveness.  I gave you all there is to give, you just don't allow it in."
"Then I want to allow more love and forgiveness to come into my life," came my rather sarcastic response.
"Then allow it."  It seems I don't have the market cornered on sarcasm after all.  "I'm not stopping you."
"Alright, then allow me to be a vessel of love and forgiveness."
"Ok, you're allowed.  Now what?"

I was a bit dumbfounded.  Was the universe that frustrated with me as to treat me so harshly?

"Fine, let me make this easier then, I want more abundance to come into my life," I said in the matter-of-fact kind of way children usually reserve for those moments when negotiations for more TV time are breaking down..
"I can't give you any more, you have all there is to have," came the reply.

I was just about to respond with the "wait, you were supposed to say 'yes' to each response" part of the continual conversation when it hit me.  Here I was, proverbial mouth wide open, proverbial finger about to point, staring into the universe when I suddenly realized I was proverbially speechless.  I was having that "miracle moment" I had often heard described but never had really seen.  Not that they have never happened, I just haven't seen them.  Yet here it was, in all of its glory, a miracle moment all of my own.

See, I have asked for it all at one time or another in this existence.  I have asked for help, love, forgiveness, money, strength, enlightenment, peace, victory, harmony, courage, understanding, and the zillion other things that have come up at one time or another.  Yet, in my very human perspective I have felt neglected in the answer.  I continued to make mistakes for which I believed I was not getting help.  I continued to feel unloved as the darkness fell all around me.  I felt despised for my mistakes and unworthy of either love or forgiveness from those around me and, most of all, from myself.  I felt money was always going to be an issue no matter how much I asked for abundance.  It seems that no matter how many times I have asked, the answer was usually a far cry from the "yes" I was told was coming.  Whether that small child crying for help under his bed, or that young boy asking for strength while hiding under the blanket he thought would make him invisible, I have asked for it all already. As a young man struggling for identity and some semblance of self-esteem I have asked for it all.  As a man working to provide for his family and wanting so desperately to see his family have the happiness he himself had never had I have asked for it all.

In that moment of realization, in that miracle moment, using that always perfect 20/20 version of hindsight, I understood it was never the universe saying "no" it was my unwillingness to allow the answer to be.  I myself converted the tests of my youth to fear in adulthood.  I alone created monsters out of shadows.  I alone was the creator of unhappiness in those around me and, most importantly, in myself.  I had asked the universe for a shovel to find gold, which it provided, and I in turn used the gift to dig a grave while denying that the gift itself was ever provided.

I smiled in that moment as I am smiling now.  Tears welled in my eyes as they are welling now.  A feeling of something, peace, love, harmony, whatever you wish to call it, fell over me and completely filled my body.  I understood in this, my miracle moment.

"Thank you," was the only reply I could mutter and it was the only one needed.

In this moment the universe had again answered my request in with a resounding "yes".  What was different was that I was listening, I heard that "yes".  In fact, it still echoes in my heart as if stuck in a continual loop.  I admit that there must be a million "miracle moments" presented to us in our daily lives and about a million that go unseen.  This one moment has changed me.  I love me, and I love you.  While that in itself is no different than before what is different is the simple (ok, maybe no so simply) act of allowance.  With this in mind allow me to leave you with one simple quote that is shouting from my soul at this very moment,

"In Gandhi's time there were over a billion Gandhis in the world.  Only one had the willingness to allow it."

  ©2011 Thomas P. Grasso All Rights Reserved ☮ ℓﻉﻻ٥ ツ

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