The release of hurt...

I was going to write this last night, but decided not to react but rather let the reaction go and then write. Let's see where this goes.

I am old. I am gray. I am fat. I am not young anymore. I get it. I posted a picture that is one of my favorites, one of me doing what I loved, next to people I loved, exhausted but alive, having just gone through the rush of adrenaline, the knowledge that death could have been right around the corner, under the floor I was standing on, all around me. That picture sums up my passion and experience, and although I look exhausted with bags and dark circles under my eyes, I see life doing what I loved with people I cared about.

But to you, it is a way to attract women...as if. A dirty, tired, haggard looking person always attracts women I guess. Or perhaps you are just understanding why you only post the best pictures of you. You don't put pictures of yourself that show your faults, as you expect me to do, and if a picture like that exists it would be deleted without pause. Yet, pictures of me need to show my age, my weight, my grays, my faults. Seems you are letting your own little voice tell you what others are doing, rather than just seeing it for what it was...a picture of me I love...one of the very few.

So you decided you should hurt me. You should make me feel horrible. You should make me feel completely unwanted in my gray, old, fat self. Your words hurt me, not because of the words, but because of the one speaking them. You needed to hurt me, you needed to belittle me, you needed to throw the daggers you are attached to. So be it, I take it, and I release the hurt as nothing more than your need to share the pain.

This is all I will speak of it. It is gone, it is history. You can't see any change in me, you can't see me as any different, you can only see the me you are attached to. You will focus on those parts of me that are no different in order to confirm in yourself that I have not changed at all. That is your choice, I can't live for your acceptance. I can learn from you, I can cherish your challenge of me, but I can't live for something that does not exist. I am me Vee, just walking a path and try to learn with each step. If you can't see that, so be it, I can't make you see anything. The sky is blue, but if you choose to focus on the storm clouds somewhere else that is your choice to make.

I love you, always will. You are the love of my life and if you can't see it nothing changes...I still love you and you are the love of my life. You can keep searching for distractions, keep looking for proof that doesn't exist, but nothing changes. My love for you is real, my love for you can't be destroyed by your search, it can only be offered the obstacles of anger and pain. They are only obstacles, they are not the reality of what is left when they are gone...my love for you.

And this, you can take it or leave it. Again, it changes nothing for me. You can either be the master of reality or the slave of it, again, your choice and nothing changes for me.

I love you.