Be LOVE

©2010 Thomas P. Grasso All Rights Reserved ☮ ℓﻉﻻ٥ ツ

Glimpses of who I AM

I can only know emptiness through the illusion of fullness.  Love through the illusion of fear.  Eternity through the illusion of time.  I know who I AM through the illusion of that which I create myself to be.

Our existence, what we egoically call "our lives", has the purpose of creation.  We create our circumstances, our loves, our hates, our dreams, our goals, our fortunes, our misdeeds, our SUFFERING continuously in this egoic cycle of creation.  Yet in every moment of this existence is the Observer, the Experiencer of this creative cycle which is the Source of who we are living and sharing in the experience itself.  To know this Self is to know your Source, and to know your Source is to know who I AM.  Once you know the I AM, the hold these illusions have over you begins to fade.  You need not believe in anything, you just need be.  You need not have anything, for there is nothing you don't have.  Labels fade.  Judgments end.  Life becomes eternity.

I have seen these times in very short flashes in my life.  These moments are what have gotten me through the the nightmares I have create for myself and others.  These moments are what I strive to know...those glimpses of what I AM are powerful and full of joy.  They are not "bad", they are perfect because they lead me to what I AM.  Such joy is known through the illusion of fear necessary to experience it.  This is what makes both perfect.

Enjoy both moments...seek not to judge them but allow them to be.  You will find peace.




©2010 Thomas P. Grasso All Rights Reserved ☮ ℓﻉﻻ٥ ツ

OM

You are my OM,
My love, my beautiful sky.
My transcendent light, my harmless flower,
Mine which does not belong to me.


I fall into Your graces,
We are One in Your disguise,
To see such brightness, To feel such warmth
Is to be absorbed into Love's sweet harmony.

Forget what I was, take all that I am,
Be still beside me and share in this Silence,
Feel my love and share me Yours,
As the glue that makes us whole.

©2010 Thomas P. Grasso All Rights Reserved ☮ ℓﻉﻻ٥ ツ

A Babe in the Womb

I am but a babe in the womb.  I do not know that I am supposed to have more than I have right now.  I do not  know that I am supposed to have more space to move.  I do not know that I should be demanding more than I need from this place where "I am".

I have not yet learned that there is so much more than the creation going on around me.  No one has taught me yet that I should fear what is happening, or what may happen, or what may not happen.  I have not been instructed yet in the fine art of wanting more, of desiring something other than what I have now, or even of looking into the future for a quest I may never see.

At some point my fingers and toes are webbed.  I don't even care, I just accept.  I do not know that they are supposed to be different in order to be "normal".  In fact, I don't even know how to see "normal" beyond what is right now.  My eyes are fused shut.  Yet, I see all that I need to see.  What could possibly be better than what is?

I can hear noises around me.  I react suddenly because they distort the silence of what is around me.  I have learned to love the silence although I did not know that until I first heard the noise.  Some in a much different universe will marvel at my reactions and do what they can to ensure I react over and over again.  I don't complain, I just am.

I don't seek to harvest this space I am in.  I have no need to harm others for my sustenance, it is being provided to me by my Creator.   Wealth is idiocy to me, for what would I do with more than I have now?  I do not destroy this womb in the search of wealth or more.  I need not pollute my body with ways of feeling better than I do now since that would be impossible. 

My time here is short, but I have no concept of time.  I just exist in this moment and accept all that is provided for me.  I have no memories of where I was before I came to this place, and I don't mind that convenience.  Not knowing where I have been nor caring where I am going allows me to enjoy where I am in joy.  I grow, and allow what has Created me to work through me.

I am perfect.  Then one day I am born and meet the world.  I forget my perfection and seek my imperfection.  My parents show me all of their imperfections in order to continue the cycle of being imperfect so that I can exist in this imperfect world.  I resist it all, strive for more and more, and question the very nature of my existence.  I graduate into being "human", suffering mightily in the education and longing for that which I will never get.  Yet, somehow, I believe I am better and smarter than the babe in the womb although I am not sure how.  What now appears to suggest that I know so much more seems to prove that I know so much less.  With each act of war, with each selfish act of acquiring more than I need, with each passing moment in which I count the seconds of my life waiting for the next instead of living for the now I prove how much less I know.

For some, the journey will be and end in such condition.  For others, they will be born anew into the understanding of experience.  They will look at their aging fingers with joy.  They will appreciate their space without attachment.  They will see the billions of points of light coming from within the darkness we call "sky".  They will live simply in order to allow the planet to be without harm.  They are the meek, and they shall inherit the earth.

Peace.

©2010 Thomas P. Grasso All Rights Reserved ☮ ℓﻉﻻ٥ ツ

Enter the Silence

Friend, whisper to me that which you long to feel,
Allow us to forget what we think and see who we are,
And in the calming of those storms raving our hearts from without,
Let us see the beauty of what is from within.

Do not hesitate, for the time is at hand!
The Lord has come, can you feel Him inside you?
Silence your mind, allow your soul
And the Kingdom of All That Is will be seen.


In my death I have come to be in my Life,
And in my life have come to be in my death,
For only one of the four is real,
And only that which Is can be called "truth".


Behold, the darkness has set upon us,
Yet through the sliver of my eyelids barely parted
A thousand suns have come alive in the midst of night,
Both Being so the other may be known.


I change my mind and I change the world,
Take this hand outstretched in Love and change the world with me,
We close our eyes and see for the very first time,
We enter the Silence in true harmony.



©2010 Thomas P. Grasso All Rights Reserved ☮ ℓﻉﻻ٥ ツ

Silence

I am but a slave to those kisses that will never come,
Wishing me away through some slot in the wall that has been created.
I do so wish for love unabridged by that which was,
For unkempt, free, unchained acts kept holy in the hearts of the players.


Free me! Allow me to be!
For I am but a slave to the freedom that shall never be free,
I seek that in you which is not yours to give
and long for nectar that you do not produce.

I am a fish held fast in a sea free of water,
I flop around as if dancing to the tune of Emptiness.
Pour that which will save me into my lungs,
As I seek to know how I got here in the first place.

Do so be my friend, my partner in this endless noise,
And walk with me into the Stillness,
Allow us to cast out those things that whisper so wrongly in our ears,
And listen to the only thing the speaks the truth of lovers eternal.

Silence.


©2010 Thomas P. Grasso All Rights Reserved ☮ ℓﻉﻻ٥ ツ

Where the Pitman Rink Use to Be (an ode to friends and memories)

As if I've stumbled onto memory,

I've tripped in distant past,

A moonlight park, a player's bench,

An eternal moment cast.

 

To leave that place I've never left,

A soul in disarray,

An old man stares at that moonlit ground,

Still to feel his youth's dismay.

 

To know such place as hallowed truth,

Is to know much mental fear,

And to know such ecstasy as was on this ground,

Is to know that he was here.

 

I shall not forget the sweat and tears,

I used to set me free,

And time can't change what Love had made,

Where the Pitman Rink Used to Be.

  The old place is gone forever. Torn down as time wore it's warped boards and chipped is rugged asphalt. Yet to me this place shall always exist. It may be important to share such fond memories with those who were so integral in making them. We are not guaranteed any moment past this one, so to share it is a priceless gift.

 

It surely is an anonymous place to most, and there must be a million such places effecting a million such people as me. Yet I can still remember meeting Timmy Broger down there, and the many different characters who used to play hockey "just for fun" on the weekends and after work. I can remember having to sweep the broken bottles off the place before we played, or in having to shovel the surface before a league game. But mostly I can remember the laughter of friends and the bonds that were forged there. I can remember Derek and John in all of their youth and the teams that we made not just to win, but to just have so much fun that we would never forget those moments. God I owe Derek and John so much for taking the time to build those teams and the memories that will forever walk with me.

 

Of course we didn't always use the rink for hockey. I can remember moments burned into my mind forever in the joy that only friends could share. It is remarkable what perspective one can gain with experience, but to relive those moments in my mind is as almost to shout "slow down Tom, enjoy this moment for all of its worth!" In my old man's eye I look through my youth at such special memories.

To you, my friends, who made one place a bastion for such remarkable memories I can only offer my love in return. There are other places like this with other friends; places where we go by now only in passing but hold such valuable memories. For me such places exist like the Woodbury Height's McDonalds where I have some awesome memories. Skater's Choice…The Oak Tree…Ewan Lake…the lake at Marshall's where I not only skated by where Vince saved my life…the Spectrum where I not only saw my first hockey game but saw my first concert and, yes, Van Halen at least six times…the Pitman apartment…Evesham Skating Center…Down on Mainstreet…Spuds and Suds…Veteran's Stadium where Nana took me to my first two Phillies games with her old lady's group…to the late Frank Centrione who gave me two summers of awesome memories with Sam Casella…to St. Joseph's Elementary…to the Joe Louis Arena where I saw my first Flyer's game out of Philly and to the 50% of their fans who wore Eric Lindros sweaters…to Aunt Kathy's house that showed me there was hope and love when I thought neither existed…to Underwood Hospital for not only stitching me up more times than I can count but for also helping bring three of the most beautiful gifts into the world…to the football field at Lamb's Road Church and the Sunday Slaughter that was only bested by the Friday and Saturday night get togethers…

 

To those friends who made this life so special, I send you love for the great times I can look back on (pardon for the maiden names). To John and Derek who tolerated me in my presence as well as in my long-term absences and who could see right through me…to Cliff Henderson who not only schooled me about Hall and Oates but who also had the best video store in town… to Mike Parker who helped me up after a beat down in Salem…to Frank Durso who was always there with a ride and a wit and who always was looked for a remedy for being thin (silly as that sounds) as well as for a way for a Chevy to beat a Mustang…to Terry Fisher for trying to understand a mind gone haywire and for forgiving (usually) I am not sure I can ever repay you…to Jeanine Bilderback for being a great friend in a time when I felt so alone in the world…to Kristy Pace who not only exposed me to a new way of thinking but challenged me to think (as well as for getting me to the Joe)…to Robbie Hopkins for being so nice and sweet and giving and to exposing me to her friends who were just like her…to Aunt Kathy who I love with all of my heart who knows…to Chuck Coverly who was my first best friend and will be always there…to Vince Coates who saved my life in so many ways and provided me an escape from hell every once in a while…to Debbie Kidd who gave me a place of refuge on so many levels so many times… to Sister Assumpta who I still cherish in my heart … to Dave and Kristin Fritz who are just too awesome for words...to Steve Bobo and the officers of 6-6 who make that place such a joy to volunteer for...

 

To my father who I lost as a young boy and have found again as a man…to my mother and stepfather who raised me and provided me experiences that would allow me perspective Now…to my sister who shared with me some hell and I hope will share with me some heaven…to my in-laws who are my parents in heart and mind and who have showed me so many things in such a short period of time…to my niece and nephews who have so much to offer the world the future looks that much brighter…

  
To my children who found me lost and gave me some light to head to and to my wife Veronica who has softened me with the tough love I needed and gave me a mirror to which I could see myself; she has seen the worst of me and the best of me and still has decided I am worth the effort…

 

I love you all.

 

I may add to this list from time to time as memory allows. I send this out in the hopes that we all can share in a special memory and/or a special place in our hearts. If the smiles and warmth I have felt in my heart from the gift of memory you have provided me in this moment can be shared then what a special gift it is indeed.

As for now I leave with some lyrics from a Pearl Jam song called "Just Breathe":

Yes, I understand that every life must end, aw-huh,..
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, aw-huh,..
Oh I'm a lucky man, to count on both hands
the ones I love,..

Some folks just have one,
yeah, others, they've got none, huh-uh

Stay with me,..
Let's just breathe.

Practiced are my sins,
never gonna let me win, aw-huh,..
Under everything, just another human being, aw-huh,..
Yeh, I don't wanna hurt, there's so much in this world
to make me bleed.

Stay with me,..
You're all I see.

Peace.

Her in all My Glory

I have heard the sweet whispers mellow in my ear.  She calms me, softens me, smooths me out for the time Being.  I can feel Her presence surround me, catering to my whims and desires while allowing in me that higher vision of my Self.  I can nearly touch Her as I reach for Her but there is no form for me to grasp.  I let go and let God, and She softly caresses my soul and surrounds me with light.


I beg of Her to reveal Herself to me and instantly I know Her reply.  She already has; She has never hidden from me.  She was there the moment I was born and in the moments before I ate of the apple; nurturing, caring, providing for all I need.  I have put veils between us, cautiously constructing walls to climb and layers to peel.  I have hidden Her from view with the tears of attachment and the betrayal of that attachment from what is.  I have carefully constructed flags and idols to hide Her from view.  I have heard Her speak and dismissed it as the wind; I have heard Her sing and dismissed it as my imagination.  Yet still She remained with me through the blurred vision of eyes gone to suffering, wiping away the blindness from my eyes.  She was there to wipe the dust from my face as I ran from what I was toward what I wanted to be.  She was there to comfort as my dreams stole attention away from Her and there when the dreams became nightmares in their failure.  Through the mud, snow and sunshine we have walked together, a journey that was to take me to what is and what I am.  Never judging me She was just there, comforting, singing, whispering in the hopes that I would see and hear while never wishing me ill in my failure.


Now I sit in stillness, Her glow tempting me for the attempt at grasping, my focus resolved in allowing this to be without interfering.  I hear Her sweet whispers in my ear, "My Son, you will arrive one day.  This moment when you are Love and no thing else shall be your eternity."  I let Her go and in the process become one with All That Is.  In focusing just on Her I lose sight of what Is, and in the letting go of Her I can see all that She is not.  It all blurs into One, and for that moment I can feel Her through it all.  I am Love, I am this moment, I am...


Peace.

I give thanks to those moments of suffering that have given me this moment just as I equally give thanks to those moments of joy that allow suffering to be.  The veils and obstacles I have built in my life through the egoic possession of my mind to what I want and what I think I am.   I need not hold on to "dreams" or visions of what I seek to be; rather I can let them go and let God.  I need not pass judgment on others based on what I know or think them to be.  I simply am as they are.  In equal parts I can let go of who I think they are as I let go of who I think I am.

The Tao that can be expressed is not the eternal Tao; The name that can be defined is not the unchanging name.

©2010 Thomas P. Grasso All Rights Reserved ☮ ℓﻉﻻ٥ ツ

Salvation

In my experience, salvation is not saving one from who he is, but rather in being free from the attachment to who we think we are or aren't.


©2010 Thomas P. Grasso All Rights Reserved ☮ ℓﻉﻻ٥ ツ

"I am"

"I am".  I have no need to prove what I am to that which I am.  I only need prove what I am to that which I do not believe I am...hence the separation that ego creates so that you can experience what you are through the knowledge of what you are NOT.


©2010 Thomas P. Grasso All Rights Reserved ☮ ℓﻉﻻ٥ ツ

Embracing a higher vision

The process of experience brings me to this moment.  I give thanks.

As we develop the relationship with our higher selves it becomes very clear that there are two very distinct "selves" that we interact with.  There is the "lower" self, characterized by ego and personified as Satan in the Bible and Mara in Buddhism, Kali in Hinduism, and Shaitan in Islam.  We are often drawn to belief that this lower self dwells outside of us, and tend to separate it from us in this personification.  There is also the "higher" self characterized by love, compassion, peace and harmony.  We have personified this higher self and called it "God" in most faiths.  We also attempt to separate the personification from our selves.

The mechanism for either attempts at separation for either higher or lower selves is a function of ego.  By understanding that we these are not separate from us, we can understand the power we have in creating the conditions through focus on either one.  Once we take the responsibility for our actions, we understand this power we have and can then begin creation anew in line with what we seek.

When we are "possessed" by Satan or any of these characters, we are actually possessed by our own egos through the embracing of the lower self.  We have embraced the lower self in this manner, so in effect it is not actually possessing us as we are possessing it.  Yet, the attraction consumes us and we enjoy the experience we are meant to have in this relationship.

When we embrace our "higher" self, the action is similar although opposite to when we embrace our lower selves.  We act in accordance with that higher self, and manifest love, compassion, peace and harmony.  This attraction consumes us and we enjoy the experience we are meant to have in this relationship. 

It is important to note that, for reasons that will be explained, we should not be judging one as "bad" or "good", "worse" or "better".  They just are necessary to the experience that is our purpose and perfect because each allows the other to be.  We create the experience we wish to have through choice.  We can choose to be in line with our lower selves or higher selves at any time and in this way we are the Creator of all things.  We should also not judge which choice others have made for we can only create what is in ourselves, not what is in others.  It is also important to note that we should not be attached to the outcomes of either choice we make but rather enjoy the moments these experience provide.

From here on I would like to speak from a personal place that may not be universal for everyone.  It may be unique to me or not, but it is what I know through the sum of my experiences that have led to this moment.  As a result, I wish to speak for my quest to embrace that vision I have of higher self and to live in harmony of the vision.

I meditating on this, I came to realize that I once spent my life in rejection.  I rejected everything, from love to hate, from peace to violence, from truth to lies.  In this meditative review, it became quite apparent to me that when we come from a place of rejection, that is when we "reject" that which we do not wish to have, we actually attract it.  For me, in rejecting the lower self manifestations like cheating, lying, stealing, coveting, hating, and fighting  I am actually attracting them because they are part of my consciousness.  I give them power over me because they become my focus even if that focus is on the rejection of them.

An example of this would be what I was taught as a practicing Catholic.  I was taught about the rejection of Satan, that is rejection of the lower self.  In the practice of rejection, we reject those physical manifestations of the lower self which does, in effect, give those manifestations a power over us.  The rejection of them becomes the focus, so in effect they become the focus.  This practices gives Satan, or that personification of the lower self, power.  Otherwise, Satan does not exist.

Today, I don't reject much of anything, let alone Satan.  I can see the folly of this, the giving of power to something that simply would not exist had we simply not given it power.  What I do is embrace that which I envision as my higher self.  So rather than rejecting lying, I embrace the truth.  Rather than rejecting violence, I embrace peace.  Rather than rejecting cheating, I embrace honesty.  In this way, I can focus on the higher self, and give it power.  You simply cannot give something power by rejecting its opposite, in fact you eliminate or reduce the power that which you are seeking has when you only focus on its opposite.  Proof of this resides in my present moment, where I don't see lying, or evil, or bad in my life.  I only see love, harmony, and peace.  I know both, and have experienced both, so can speak from this perspective of experience without the supposition that many without such experience need to employ.  For that, I see all of these experiences as necessary and perfect.

Finally, I would like to offer a "real-world" experience that speaks to this point that I believe we can all relate to.  I will use an example from "Desperate Housewives" that I would like to say my wife forces me to watch (which is a joke of course).  Pardon me for sounding like one of the girls catching you up on "our shows", but it does speak to this dynamic quite well.

On last week's episode, Roy Bender is "forced" to ask Mrs. (Karen) McCluskey to marry him by Susan, as well as "forced" by his doctor to give up salt.  Roy is a little miffed at Susan, and basically says to her (and I will paraphrase here):

"You ruined everything.  We had a good thing going here and you ruined it.  It is like salt.  I never gave salt one moment's thought until I was told I couldn't have it.  Then I wanted it more than anything.  Today, I sat behind a blue-haired old lady who I have seen a million times without giving her a second thought.  Now all I can do is think about her because I am getting married and will never be able to have her."  He then proceeds to plant a kiss on Susan's lips as a testament to where his focus is.

How many of us have experienced this on some level?  I would imagine most if not all of us.  It isn't so much that we want what we can't have as much as it is we want where our focus is.  Not being able to have something, that is having to reject it, gives it our focus and a power over us that it didn't have before this focus was drawn to it.  It is no different when we reject our lower selves.  Now for the rest of the story.

Later in the episode Susan is told by Karen that she has a shadow on her lung that may be cancerous.  Susan runs into Roy who has had a complete change of heart.  He explains (again paraphrasing) that he realized how much he loved her and that she was all he wanted.

This shows a shift in focus.  Rather than rejecting others because of his love for Karen, he embraced the love he had for her.  In this shifting of focus, the embracing of higher self (love) manifested love that is not possible in the practice of rejection.  It was all a matter embracing over rejecting, and the result was harmony.

I have done the same in embracing being a vegan.  I have not rejected meat and dairy, I have embraced a plant-based diet.  In this way I don't desire meat or dairy at all, but love the food I eat and the choice I have made.  I don't think about meat or dairy at all actually because my focus is on the choice I have made, not the choice I have rejected.  I often wonder if this same methodology employed in the addictions like drug use and smoking would make the change that much more likely to be.  I have used this method for many of my "addictions", and know it works for me.

Again, I would suspect that we could all point to an experience that bears this out.  That is something that we could all meditate on at a personal level and expand on depending on which vision of self you choose to focus on.




©2010 Thomas P. Grasso All Rights Reserved ☮ ℓﻉﻻ٥ ツ

Matthew 25:32-46

Matthew 25:32-46 (New American Standard Bible)

32"All the nations will be gathered before Him; and He will separate them from one another, as the shepherd separates the sheep from the goats;

33and He will put the sheep on His right, and the goats on the left.

34"Then the King will say to those on His right, 'Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.

35'For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in;

36 naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.'

37"Then the righteous will answer Him, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink?

38'And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You?

39'When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?'

40"The King will answer and say to them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.'

41"Then He will also say to those on His left, 'Depart from Me, accursed ones, into the eternal fire which has been prepared for the devil and his angels;

42for I was hungry, and you gave Me nothing to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me nothing to drink;

43I was a stranger, and you did not invite Me in; naked, and you did not clothe Me; sick, and in prison, and you did not visit Me.'

44"Then they themselves also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not take care of You?'

45"Then He will answer them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.'

46"These will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life."

When I first read this part of the New Testament, I was under the guidance of a nun in Catholic school. To me, in my youthful exuberance of not knowing, this seemed to suggest such a mystical view of the world from a place most of get to see. The moral of the story to those entrusted with my religious education was simple: act like Jesus and show compassion and caring toward the world and you go to heaven. Act like the goat and go to hell.

 

At that time, I simply accepted that the moral of this story was that simple. Yet, there was something inside of me that begged to see it as more, to understand the story as well as the meaning from the perspective of the one who was telling the story. As I thought about it (a process that continues to this day), I wanted to understand what this would mean to someone who truly sees the universe for what it is in its suffering and in the condition we as humans Being have created within that universe.

Today, after enjoying nearly 30 years of experience since that lesson, I can see this from a perspective that I could not see as a young boy without that experience. The whole analogy makes perfect sense where before something did not sit right between what I felt and what I knew. Allow me to explain.

 

In this existence there are two types of people having their experience at any given time. On the one side, there are the sheep. They live a life of acceptance and purpose completely in harmony with the Love that created them. In this harmony they offer compassion to the world around them, they give to the world without judgment. In this harmony they experience the bliss of Love, and in doing so inherit the Kingdom that was prepared for them from the foundation of the world. That foundation, of course, is Love.

 

The other type of person is the goat. The goat lives a life of ego, always striving to get more. They are so entangled in their quest for more and better that they do not have the time to show the world true compassion. They do not give of themselves to others, and they judge others from this perspective of ego. They are attached not only to the quest for things, but also to the things themselves. The result of these attachments is suffering, and in this suffering they cannot inherit the Kingdom. It isn't that they aren't worthy; it is simply a consequence of their lust devouring their attention from Love.

 

To me, it is that simple. There are no magical equations which you need to follow, no religion you need protest faith to in order to overcome this condition. The act of repentance is all that is needed. Now let me clarify. Repentance is not the simple act of asking for and receiving forgiveness. It is the recognition of the cause of your suffering, and the actions necessary to eliminate those causes from your existence. Saying "I am sorry" and having the person you offended replying, "You are forgiven" is NOT repentance. You need not seek forgiveness for the suffering you cause in others because you cannot cause suffering in others. They are the cause of their own suffering. What you can do is forgive yourself for the suffering you caused yourself (which is very likely the cause of suffering attributed to you in others) and remedy the cause of your suffering. You have then repented acting in complete harmony with Love, and in this action find the Kingdom of God is very near.

 

The amazing thing about this process is that while you may reduce or eliminate suffering in your own life that is not an automatic guarantee that you will eliminate it in those whose lives you touch. In fact, your own detachment from the things that cause suffering may very well cause suffering in others. This seems hardly possible, but those who are inflicted with the illness of ego will lash out at you for not sharing their affliction. Their egos see you as a threat to their cause, and react as any threatened animal would. These people will lash out, condemn you, and "kill" you or find varying degrees of punishment between.

 

As I share with you what I see in the passion of Jesus before and during his execution later, I believe you will see a great example of harmony with Love. As the story goes, Jesus accepted the "cup" but did not waver in his Love for those who so blindly and brutally inflicted their egos on him. This example is one that is a true litmus test for our own harmony with Love just as all great spiritual practices the world over provide. Could you forgive those who were brutalizing you even at the moment of impact? Such Love cannot be overlooked as extraordinary, it must be seen as something we should strive to make very ordinary.

 

I would also like to offer a perspective on the "heaven" and "hell" mentioned here. As we will dive into later, the way I was taught Heaven and Hell never seemed right to me either. The idea that there was some place my soul would be sent depending on what my mind and body did simply made little sense to me. I began to wonder, "What is paradise and what is suffering to a soul that seemed to feel neither". Anyway, as mentioned I discuss this later but in the context of this story we see the parallels that could be easily drawn. As we act in a way that either makes us sheep or goats, there is always something called "consequence". To the person who is being the sheep, that harmony with Love experience creates a state of Bliss. That Bliss, the state of grace created by the harmony we have with Love, is Heaven. It is the natural state of our soul, which is Love, experiencing itself in the presence of what it is not.

 

Hell, on the other hand, is the consequence of acting in accordance with ego much in the way the goats did in this story. The suffering, the pain, the anguish, the rage are all part of the consequence of those out of harmony with Love. Hell is the price you pay for living in ego, the results of attachments both made and completed in a world of things. It has been my experience (one that is ongoing even as I write this chapter) that one reason giving is a way out of this Hell is because is proves a detachment to things. You can only give what you do not have an attachment to and not suffer. Even as you give away that which you love you still suffer in the beautiful act of giving. You are still in Hell even though you are acting in accordance with Love because the attachment itself, not the things you are attached to, is the cause for this consequence. Things are not the issue, wealth is not evil, rather the attachment to it promotes an unhealthy relationship out of harmony with Love. It is not some great act of love to give away that which you are attached to, but rather a great act of love to not be attached in the first place.

 

In my experience, I have learned (and still continue to learn) to not love things. Sure, I enjoy playing with gadgets, getting stuff as fruits of my labors. Yet I am increasingly becoming detached from these things, as if I am saying "sure, I have them, but they don't mean anything." Yet, I find suffering in the loss of some things I have, or are not willing to part with others. This is my condition because I recognize I am not perfect, and this condition is not bad…it will just come with a consequence.

 

That is the one thing I take from nearly every experience I have: there is no such thing as "bad" except that which is judged by our egos. When I see something as bad, I realize immediately (or pretty darn close to it) that it is my ego talking. I then seek to watch the ego instead of become the ego. My mind can create anything as bad or good depending on its perspective at the moment, but Love simply sees it as what it is. As something occurs, my ego immediately determines the level of threat it feels and instructs the mind to create in it either good, bad or indifferent. My soul, my level of Being Love, just sees it. It is an experience to the soul, nothing more. To our Beings, everything our ego-minds judge as good or bad is necessary for the experience it seeks. Heaven and Hell are consequences our ego-minds must face as a result of our actions. As Love, our souls simply experience this consequence as necessary. This lack of judgment seems to be pointed out in the sentence "I was in prison and you came to Me." Jesus seems to suggest here that he would be in prison just as a criminal would. This would also suggest that there is no judgment, no need for the rendering of punishment beyond what man deems necessary as consequence. When you are without judgment, someone in prison certainly is no more or less in need of your compassion and Love as is anyone else.

 

That leads me to a final point. I have wondered about the use of the word "eternal" in this story. It would seem to suggest that during this judgment we are doomed to an eternity of either Heaven or Hell. It does seem to make sense to me deep within me. Forgiveness seems to be the staple of Jesus' message in the New Testament. Yet it would seem that this story would not provide for forgiveness. The contradiction rattled me for some time since it simply seemed to suggest that there would be a time when God and/or Jesus would no longer forgive, and an eternity of pain would be the consequence. This notion just did not sit well with what I felt to be right.

 

It dawned on me one day that eternity did not mean forever. Since our souls cannot suffer nor know time, what would be meant by eternity in this case? No, I did not investigate the translation of eternity, nor did I go to the original text for evidence of some truth. Rather, I just did what I always do when questions like this come up; I searched in the Word of God within me. It came to me suddenly one day as I was reading this passage and meditating on every line.

 

Eternity is the moment. At the very moment of consequence you are spending the eternity of that moment in Heaven or Hell. There is nothing beyond that moment, the present moment. The past does not exist within it, nor does the future. It is all that is or ever will be. It is eternity. Every action you are either being a sheep in harmony with Love or a goat in line with ego sure to experience the consequence provided you by that experience. As you experience the consequence in the now, you are either in heaven or you are in hell and you are in that condition for the eternity we call the present moment.

 

This life's experience is a choice and a consequence for that choice all for the experience.

 

©2010 Thomas P. Grasso All Rights Reserved ☮ ℓﻉﻻ٥
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Human suffering

For in every moment of human suffering is found an opportunity to rise above it.

Haiti Earthquake Aftermath Montage from Khalid Mohtaseb on Vimeo.

©2010 Thomas P. Grasso All Rights Reserved ☮ ℓﻉﻻ٥ ツ

I’d Rather Walk in Hell

I've whittled time to its sharpest edge,

And cut myself to the bone,

I've seen the scars from where you've bled,

It's no wonder I'm alone.

 

I've felt the sting of anger's vent,

That I never meant to share,

You've turned, you've cried, you've walked away,

I guess it's only fair.

 

If you could see me now my dear,

I would be your destiny,

Instead you're blind with memories,

So you waste the best of me.

 

There is no hand to reach for mine,

No subtle, loving touch,

Instead there is just bitterness,

As if loving is too much.

 

I bid you dear to set me free,

And I will bid you well,

For if you cannot love me now,

I'd rather walk in Hell.

 

The Path Less Traveled

I walk...I meditate...I meld into everything around me as if it is all One.

With the sun rising on my face and the snow crumbling under my feet I walk.  I experience the calmness of this moment through the change my feet are creating through the destruction of my step.  I can feel the silence through the sound of snow crunching with each moment.  I can sense the warmth of the sun through the chill of this winter's morn.  It is all part of One, it is all perfect.

The path I took to these moments was clear.  Snow plows had cut a path to the walking/jogging paths adjacent to a local recreation park.  The walk was brisk but a bit icy until the moment it came to to take the paved walking paths.  Today, those paths were covered with anywhere from 4-6 inches of snow.

I had a choice here.  I could walk the path not traveled since the 28 inches of snow fell a few days ago, or I could walk a path cleared for me by others.  As I examined both choices, I realized that this was a metaphor for my life and the observations I have of the lives around me.  On one side there is the path relatively smooth, cleared by the hands of others that would require minimal effort to traverse, and on the other side a path whose very essence was an obstacle.  I could not know how deep the snow would get as each moment (step) passed, or if there would be ice to stumble on, or frankly what laid before me in the smoothness of the snow that spanned as far as I could see.  On one path there was the illusion of safety and security and on the other the illusion of danger in the unknown.  Yet both were illusions that would allow me to have the experience I wished to have.

As I took my first steps in the deep snow, I readily accepted the labor involved in as each step passed.  I barely noticed the cars as they sped by on the relatively clear roadway.  Their sound became part of the nature that surrounded me, barely detectable above the rush of wind through the trees I walked next to.  I could feel the sun beginning to crest over the horizon behind me, and it seemed that nature itself was taking her cue from the sun about to bid it "good morning".  The birds came alive in song, the squirrels began their daily activities, and it seemed that even dogs began barking in unison with life around me.  It all was so perfect.

A feeling came over me at some point in this meditation.  I realized that acceptance was the key to this moment of joy.  I wondered about our society, this illusion of "we" created by our minds for the human need of companionship, acceptance and yes, confrontation.  Had I become a metaphor for this "society"?  Was I so attached to the ideal of comfort that the very idea of discomfort became bad?  Was I so attached to the desire for love that the very idea of being myself had become foreign to me?  Had I become so attached to my ideas of "right" and "wrong", those very illusions created by me in order to judge myself and others, that I was unwilling to just let others "be" in who they were in their own dream?

Perhaps why I made the choice to walk the harder path at that moment.  I sought to be outside that which I considered "comfortable" or "safe".  Perhaps I have the notion of "comfort" and "safe" so that I can have the experience I am having now, the moments of discomfort and insecurity.  Perhaps the reason I have either (or both) experience is so that I can realize that the experience itself is nothing more than an illusion, that I am no more ensured security in my bed at night than I am on a rickety bridge above a bottomless pit.  I am ensured nothing except the experience this life offers, for life itself is nothing more than a continual loop of varying experiences the purpose of which is to nurture the soul.

In a passing moment of fancy I wondered whether I would have made it to this moment had I chosen what seemed like the "safer" path.  I realize that thoughts like this are meaningless except in providing proof of their meaninglessness.  Yet, there is some validity to this thought if only to say that we must accept this moment as all we will ever have, as all that we are ever promised, and to enjoy the experience of this moment in all of its glory.  To this I open my heart to this moment, and give thanks to It for the experience it has created, and that this ability to dream beyond what I am.

Namaste




©2010 Thomas P. Grasso All Rights Reserved ☮ ℓﻉﻻ٥ ツ

The Idea of Loving Relationships We All Hate to Have

It can be such a weird reality sometimes.  I have to say that I find inspiration in some of the most unusual places and have come to realize that I just never know when or where such movement of spirit will happen.  I guess I have learned to just take it as it comes and to appreciate the movement as it occurs.  Such appreciation is as fleeting as the movement itself, and nothing becomes more apparent then the futility of grasping such outward signs of love then when I find myself in the contented state of my inspired mind.

I was fortunate to be reading a friend's posting on relationships, and in understanding the recent loss she had one could easily see the outward expressions of pain and the resulting eagerness she had to overcome the suffering her attachment to another created.  The ego works in crazy ways in this instant, with the action of blaming the other for her own suffering followed by the ignoring of the reaction she was having to the suffering followed by the pretense of indifference at the loss itself.  This observation got me wondering, what is this idea we have created about relationships and how does this idea correspond to the human condition?  This rather boring discussion I have been having with myself asks to be shared with others for reasons why I have not discovered (or created) yet.

I begin looking at this dynamic not in the dualistic way most of us see things, but through the eyes of a Being who sees things in three "dimensions".  Utilizing this triad, one can see clearly the advent of suffering in one's life.  We create the conditions by which we suffer in our attachment to something that is not real.  We create everything in our lives, from conditions that allow love or hate, joy or sadness, misery or happiness.  I don't see us actually creating misery for example, I see us as knowing misery and then creating the conditions by which we experience misery.  The same can be said of any physical or mental reaction we have in this existence.

Since we create these conditions, we are the Creator.  In my remembrance of "Who I am", I see me as the Creator experiencing Himself by knowing what I am not.  In order to experience happiness, I must first know sadness.  In order to experience misery, I must first know joy.  In order to experience Heaven I must first know Hell.  In order to experience Enlightenment I must first know suffering.  Now, I remember this quite clearly and my spirit tells me this is truth each time I am inspired while expanding on this truth with the realization that none of this is "bad".  Sadness is not bad, happiness is not good.  Both are equally important to the spiritual being having the most human of experiences, which is our purpose in the first place.  Without the necessary sadness I could not have the purpose of experiencing either the sadness or the joy.  Therefore, that sadness is just as good as the happiness to the spirit, regardless of what the ego tells me is real.

This may appear to be a very dualistic approach, but I can't see it that way as I study it in the very three dimensional way my spirit exists.  In approaching this in a manner of spirit, I see that three distinct areas exist in any human experience the spirit may have.  The spirit has no choice but to live in this "world of three", for without that world (what we call the universe), the spirit cannot experience itself.  The three areas are: Creator, Creation, Experience.  Father, Son, Holy Spirit.  That Which Gives Rise To , That Which is Risen, That Which Is.  These three things, in whichever way you wish to describe them, exists in order the the Creator to experience Itself (creation) through Experience.  Experience is what exists as a condition of creation.  While this is not a new approach or definition, it is the way my spirit speaks to me when I am willing and able to listen.

In this idea we have called "relationships" it is important to note that I am speaking specifically about the human relationships we call "love", but are really nothing of the sort for most of us.  For most of us, "loving relationships" are creations of our mind.  Our minds create the condition of "love" and the relationship is born.  Now of course this is not real love, we attach conditions to the condition by which we must continue in this relationship.  Each of us must be faithful, kind, considerate, truthful, and whatever other conditions we may place on each other in order for the relationship to qualify as "loving".  We know deep down somewhere that True Love does not place such conditions on anything, in fact the act of being in True Love eliminates any conditions and therefore is not a condition unto itself.  Rather, our creation of the condition we call a "loving relationship" is very egoic in nature, so is never very permanent even in its longest durations.  Imagine the peace and harmony you would feel if you could just relinquish your demands for the existence of conditions you have placed on the loving relationship your ego created.  Imagine the lack of suffering you would entertain not only upon yourself, but on the one you believe you love.

Impossible, I know.  You could not tolerate a cheating partner.  You could not tolerate lies.  You could not tolerate the other person being who they are at that moment if that person did not fit your mold of an ideal partner.  You create in your relationship the necessary quid pro quo that all egoic relationship have.  You need something from them in order to give something of yourself or else the result is suffering and the experience of misery for both of you.  The other person suffers for having to pretend, you suffer for having created the condition by which pretending is necessary.  The roles we play are the swords we live by, and those of us who live by the sword will surely die from it.  Only True Love can heal the wounds that sword will surely inflict one day.

One must understand that all of this is necessary and therefore is not bad.  It is PERFECT.  The real question here is whether or not this experience will lead you to a better understanding of why you had it in the first place and of who you are.  That is the purpose of experience and of this illusion we call reality, so that you may determine who you are and find harmony in the existence you can create with this higher vision of yourself.  Life is not a process of discovery, it is a process of creation, and as we create our existence each time around, we are allowed unique insight and access to the voice within that is our guide.  The question is, are we looking and are we willing to listen?

I guess the idea of loving relationships is one we all hate to have.  They are painful at times.  Most of them end up hurting us in the most profound ways.  Yet each of these are opportunities for exploration and further creation.  The cycle of creation never ends; it begins in Love, exists in Love, and destroys itself in Love so that it can create anew.  You have created the condition of love from your spirit (Pure Love) so that you can have this great experience we call "life".  It is the very act of in-spiraton.  Embrace it all, enjoy each moment, and find that glimpse of awareness that is born from the experience itself.  It is your purpose, and to that end there can be no higher.


©2010 Thomas P. Grasso All Rights Reserved ☮ ℓﻉﻻ٥ ツ

So, I ask you all one very simple question. Is judging something real or an illusion an act of ego or an act of Divine knowledge?


Every time I hear "this is a dream" or "you are dreaming, man" or "be aware of the dream" something just does not sit right with me. It's as if I have to force myself to believe this dream stuff. Perhaps "force" isn't a good word, but it's as if I am eating a rotten apple and pretending it tastes good. I am eating it because I want to know it, but something is telling me that what I am eating just isn't right for me.

Here is what I know to this point. I am present in a creation in which I had no part in my memory. In this creation I have certain abilities to create. However, I have no abilities to change the media that the creation itself is present in. I can change the sculpture but I can't change the marble no matter how much I try or believe I can. It remains marble. Storms rage. Tsunamis strike. Earthquakes rumble and galaxies collide. Suns burn out and die. Novas create regardless of how much I think none of it is real. To those that say the darkness cannot defeat the light I just need to point to the center of the Milky Way to prove otherwise. In a universe of relativity there will always need to be an opposite.

Yet, to some I am dreaming. Fine, I get it. But what do I do with the voice that tells me that in judging something as a "dream" I am creating it as a dream. What part of me is the creator in this situation? Is it me the Being knowing what I know in Absoluteness or is it me that man thinking what I know in ego? The voice inside me simply says, "Let it go. You cannot fathom the marble you are using, you only know the chisel and what you see. Allow it to be and focus on the sculpture."

So that is where I am at.  So I turn to you, and ask simply and humbly, "is judging this existence as a dream an act of ego or and act of God?"

Peace.



©2010 Thomas P. Grasso All Rights Reserved ☮ ℓﻉﻻ٥ ツ

A Moment on Top of the Mountain

Today I got to enjoy many moments of love.  Pure, unadulterated bliss, harmony, and peace.  I felt today that I was Love, and a joy permeated my body and soul in a way that made me feel as if I was one with the entire universe.  I could feel the creation inside me...life anew in the universe created in and all around me.

I meditated this morning before dawn, lying in bed absorbing all that was around and in me.  I felt light and completely content with where this moment had me...and then the next...and then the next.  Each moment passed me by like clouds on a breezy spring day.  I took them in and let them go.  I loved each of them and missed them not as they faded into what was to allow what is.

It is in such joy that I can see the experience of my life that brought me to the summit of this Mountain of Bliss.  At such heights, I can look around and survey all that was without needing to relive those moments.  This spot allows you to reflect without becoming the reflection, feel without being the feeling, see without the attachment to and creating what you see as what you are.

From this vantage point, I could see the storm brewing.  I could hear the screams, the smacks, the callous "I did this because I love you."  I could hear a young boy crying for the pain to end.  I could see a lonely, dejected soul just trying to fit in.  I could see a mother beating her son into submission.  I could hear the prayers for it all to end.

I could see an adolescent boy wondering if he could stop the storms that raged in his mind.  I could feel his torment at the bruises and the welts forming on his body.  I could sense the agony of isolation and unending feeling of contempt he felt others had for him.  I could see him on his knees begging God to "let this cup pass from me" only to have His will be done.  I could see the look in her eyes as she struck out with leather, hand, fist, or any other object that could get the job done.

I could see the violence invade his soul, shutting down the once loving and kind boy as he grew into a violent and angry man.  I could see the damage left in his wake, the blood, the pain, the fear and the anger.  The river of anger never ceased in this man's mind; it flowed freely and often flooded his body with contentment at having shared this pain with another in the most violent and angry of ways.

I could also see the tears form in the eyes of those this man loved.  He needed control.  He thirsted for power.  He was afraid of it all.  I could hear the sobs of those who wanted so desperately to love him.  I could see him abusing their desire for him, taking them into the depths of passion and then discarding them once the wave had subsided.  They would need him, but he would never need them.

I could see all of this from my summit.  A smile crested from my lips as tears streamed down my face.  In this moment of reflection I could see it all, and it all could see me.  The boy looked at me, and he smiled too.  "I will endure all of this for you", he said.  "I will suffer so that you may live.  I will bear the brunt of all of this because I love you.  Forgive them for they know not what they do."

I noticed the young man looking at me.  "I will endure this all for you", he said.  "I will suffer in spite of myself, and will see such pain in the eyes of those I love so that you will always remember me.  I will bear the brunt of all that is because I have faith in you.  Please forgive me, for I know not what I do."

I wanted so desperately to hug them and to tell them it would be alright.  "Don't worry", I shouted, "time will change the world and you will be loved and you will love!"  But they had vanished, gone with the moment as if like clouds on a breezy spring day.  Yet I knew they knew, for I lived in them and they, in turn, lived in me.  The hand that now caressed in love once shattered in anger.  The lips that speak love's clear truth once spoke fear's distorted lies.  The back that once bore the scars of a soul lost now supports the hugs of love and peace.  The arms that once pushed away everything now embrace it all.

In my mind I see that boy and I thank him.  He bore the worst of others to allow me to be.  He suffered so that I may know now.  He was not fragile or weak, he was my best teacher and my closest friend.  I love him and he loves me, for the first time we love ourselves.  Yes, little boy, I have forgiven them.

I see that man and I thank him.  He created the worst of himself for others and lived with the worst in himself so that I may see.  He knew such things so that I could experience what it is I am not.  He took the punches and gave the beatings so that the scars could remind me of him.  I see those scars each time I look in the mirror, and I smile.  I love him, and I forgive him, for I could not be me without him.

So today I am at the summit, enjoying the view from the mountaintop.  I had to climb to get here, and I now realize I am not done.  My path heads in a direction I cannot yet see.  That is not important, however, for right now I am here, and I am Love.



©2010 Thomas P. Grasso All Rights Reserved ☮ ℓﻉﻻ٥ ツ

Am I my Brother's Keeper?

Alone we stand embroiled in the past; strangling our present into unconsciousness and heaving the beauty of now into the fire of the way things used to be.  So sad the sacrifice of pleasure for the feigned fantasy of what was as it surely keeps us from recognizing that what we wanted then is here with us now.  I beg your forgiveness as I search for some opening in your heart to the love I have in mine.

Do you care enough to find my love warm and embracing as it is or have the walls we have created become so thick and mighty that we cannot see through them or dare to climb their lofty heights?  Do you shrink from my touch out of such dislike for it or have I created that wall as well?  Do you wish for me to be somewhere else?  Do you wish for me to vanish down the trail beyond all that your eyes can see?  You have created me as I was, I have created me as I am, and is it so impossible to ask that you see me as I see me not as you would have me be?

I have created you as I see you, to that I have no doubt.  I love what I see, however, and despite the endless calls of my soul to part ways from you I simply cannot find it in my heart to do so.  My soul wants what appears best for you, my heart wants what it knows is best for me.  Who am I to argue with either?  Should I bend to the wind of my own creation or stand firm on the rock that I know?  I will stay sanely on my perch by your side, always wondering whether the dawn brings the day you will leave, the day you will say "I love you no more."

At that moment I will shout to Heaven above "am I my brother's keeper?" to which the Wind will whisper in the most patient repose "yes, you are".  So off I will let you fly to seek your love anew, and steadfastly I will stand in the Wind with my arms outstretched and my feet planted firmly on the Perch of What Is singing softly to my self "I will love you".

For now I will cling to what I have, what I know, and pray the voices stop before they make more sense than what is all around me. 


©2010 Thomas P. Grasso All Rights Reserved ☮ ℓﻉﻻ٥ ツ

A Message of Love

This is a message to you.  I don't know you, I have never met you, but I certainly pray we meet at some place and time in the future.  See, I love you, and have a need to know you.

You have judged your life to be tough, and at times you have judge it to be unlivable.  You see nothing but disappointment in your life, you feel nothing but despair.  You see joy through tears that have flooded your soul, you see happiness through the fires of agony found in your mind.  There are times you wish to end it all, there are times you wish to lash out, there are times when you just don't see a purpose to it all.

You have been hurt.  You have been left behind.  You have seen what you think is the best of people; a best that simply seems to suggest that the worst is the best you can hope for.  You have tried to escape in many ways, yet nothing can keep you from the suffering you face with each passing second.  At times things seem to be getting better, but the voice of despair is never far away, whispering in your ear about how things truly are.  Your experiences have turned love and happiness into the illusion, a far-fetched dream that others may have, but for some reason it is not meant for you.

That is the generalization of the you you know.  I am not far off.  I can show you the blisters on my feet from wearing the shoes you now wear.  I can show you the scars on my soul from taking the beatings you now take.  I can offer you the hand that once come out of the fire to grab me and keep me from falling prey to it.  Yet I warn you that only you can open your eyes to see, and only you can grasp the hand offered to love you.

I have to meet you.  You have to meet me.  I am you in the future, you are me in the past.  Our causes of torture may be different, but the effects are the same.  The torturer is the same, the methods similar, the results to be determined.  But I ask you a question I have asked myself time and time again, "To WHOM do you owe this moment?"

You can answer me if you wish.  Do you owe this moment to those who have left you?  Do you owe this moment to those who have hurt you?  Do you owe this moment to the voice of despair that haunts you?  Do you owe this moment to your self and the happiness that is within you at this very moment?  Decide, my friend, for the next moment depends on what you create this one.  You remain the Creator, the voice of light in a chorus of darkness; all created by you and all you love to hate.  You have created all that you see now, and you have even created the blame on others you have used.  You have created the attachment to one reality and created the veil that covers the other.  You are the Creator my friend, you created the pain, you created the tools of torture, you created the torturer.  You have created the imperfect from the perfect, the fear from love, the despair from experience.  Take heart, since you have created this reality you can simply create another, this time in the full knowledge that it will be as you wish it to be.  You will be aware this time, and you will focus on the higher vision you have for yourself and this existence. 

Perhaps you will find that things now are what you wish to create.  That is fine, I do not judge these things as bad or good but rather just creations that are.  I can see suffering as the path to happiness in the full knowledge that it does not work that way in reverse.  I can see it all as necessary if you know what you want and take full ownership for its creation.  You own it, it is yours, and it is perfect.


©2010 Thomas P. Grasso All Rights Reserved ☮ ℓﻉﻻ٥ ツ

Confusion

Today I seem to be led down the path of "confusion".  Over the last few weeks I have felt confused, and in my morning meditation I focused on the act of my confusion and what the effects of such confusion have been on my existence.  As I laid still, the wrappings of confusion began to unravel, a process that continues with this writing.  In fact, the process may actually be the cause I this writing.

As we walk down a long path, it seems quite normal to get disoriented from time to time.  We look around us, and whichever thought our egos may give us at that moment we become fixated on.  We assign the place where we are a judgment, and in that judgment create the place where we are at that moment.  Perhaps that moment seems scary to us in ego, so the area around us becomes scary.  Perhaps we judge it as beautiful, so the area becomes beauty.  Perhaps we see it is hot or cold, wet or dry, dark or light.  Whatever we see it as we create it to be, and as we create it to be it becomes.

To the mind that has seen a glimpse of Being the judgments created by our egos can be quite confusing.  This seems to suggest that while we have a taste of Being on our palettes, we are still have an attachment to outcome.  Ego may say "this place is miserable" while Being says "this place is perfect" and the resulting attachment to either creates confusion in us.

One of ego's jobs is to get you to "forget" Being (that part of you that is God).  It has the benefit of the instilled education we get from our parents and our society; our culture and our faith.  Ego is a gift of Creation; the resulting attachment to it is a gift of our environment.  Therefore, for many of us ego has a vast head start on Being, a head start to which many do not get a chance to overcome in one lifetime.  It is no small wonder that we get confused when Being finally begins to "catch up".  We only know one way, have only lived one way, have only created in one way, and now a voice from within asks us to Be different. 

We then taste that Being.  We drink from its cup and we ask for more.  Ego then does its job, and the cup becomes dirty, or the Source tainted, or the taste bitter.  Yet, the cup is at is always was, allowing us to make of it whatever we choose, and allowing the taste to be of our own Creation.  What is needed now is focus, the will to see the cup as it is, and to allow the voice of ego to be without the attachment to create for us what it instructs.  Is the cup dirty?  Is the Source tainted?   Is the taste bitter?  The answer doesn't really matter if we have no attachment to it.

The key to Knowing then, it would appear to these open eyes, is non-attachment to EVERYTHING.  Then days become neither good nor bad, happy nor sad, full nor empty.  Ego will continue its purpose.  It will still whisper in your ear and pull the strings of your mind, but when you are not attached to its calls you need heed none of its demands.  Ego will then become frustrated as it is on the days when you now feel "confused", although with your lack of attachment you will no longer own such confusion.  You will be free...

Such is the call of Being in me now.  I have heard it, and in such knowing will have the experience.  I will be free.


©2010 Thomas P. Grasso All Rights Reserved ☮ ℓﻉﻻ٥ ツ

The last second

"You never know which second will be your last.  That's why we should live each one as if it is the next to last."


©2010 Thomas P. Grasso All Rights Reserved ☮ ℓﻉﻻ٥ ツ

"I am lost."

So read the message from someone I love. I had been there; hopeless, helpless, without meaning and unsure of each step. I could almost feel the suffering in those words as they stared at me on my computer screen. I could almost remember...

But such is the life lived not in self but in spite of self without realizing who the Creator is. Life is truly a process of creation, not of discovery. We create the ample bosom of suffering at the same time we decry its very existence. We struggle for answers to questions we create without changing the conditions we created along with them. We simply excuse the situations we created and expect them to change themselves. We pity ourselves in morbid fascination with what is not by pretending we are all we can be at any given moment.

I remember once, in a moment of lowness, wondering what would be the best way to end it all. I didn't believe that anyone would care. I stared at my fingers feeling sorry for them for being mine. I felt so much sorrow that what was the "me" I hated so much actually was "me" that I broke down. I searched in my soul for the answer, I search in my suffering for relief, and when none came I simply thought it best to continue in the suffering. I hated myself so much, I felt so much dislike for who I was that I wanted to continue suffering as punishment. I was not afraid to die, I simply wanted to suffer more than I wished to end it all.

I realize now that I was not "lost". I was exactly where I needed to be. Even if I had taken my own life I would have been exactly where I needed to be. We all learn the lessons for which we are ready. Yet, in my dismal place I pressed forward because I needed to know "more". I was not done with my lesson.

I reach out to my loved one and simply say: "To whom do you owe this moment?" You are not discovering that you are "lost" at this moment, you are creating both the feeling of emptiness and the feeling of not knowing where you are. You may blame others. You may blame things beyond your control. My reply is the same no matter who you blame:

"You are not lost, you are exactly where you need to be. Lose the attachment to where you think you should be and you begin the process of creation anew."

It took me a long, long time to know those words and thereby experience the results. It took some "things" along the way to get me here. I can say with equal confidence that we not only are where we need to be, but we all are given the messages we need to get to there. Just be open to the possibilities. Learn that Higher Vision you have for yourself and create it in the world around you. Be the change you wish to see and you will see the change. I wish you well, and bid you blessings on your journey.


©2010 Thomas P. Grasso All Rights Reserved ☮ ℓﻉﻻ٥ ツ

I, the Creator

Today I created.  I created the value I placed on the dream I had last night.  I created the way I felt when I woke up as "great".  I created my desires for the day ("I must train", I must have a good day of work", "I must eat well").  I created the measures of success or failures in reaching those desires, and in the process created success or failure.  I created a perspective that water was "too hot" this morning in the shower, and in the process created what was hot.  I stubbed my toe on the door into my bedroom and created pain, and then the judgment that pain was bad.


In essence, I am the Creator.  As I gazed upon my wife this morning, I thought "there is the most beautiful woman ever created."  Then, with my head half-cocked at my seemingly benign words, it dawned on me that my wife was not created beautiful, she was just created until I created her as beautiful.  I saw the sunrise as as I hiked my normal trail through the residential maze of homes I have created as "my neighborhood" and said to myself, "...what a beautiful miracle this is."  I half chuckled as I realized that it was not created a miracle at all except by me in what I wish it to be.


I learned of the death of a loved one once and thought "how sad".  In the indomitable spirit of conversation I have with self, I then asked "is it really?"  What gives us the ability to judge the death of anyone as sad?  In my experience, death is only sad for those still in this existence (what we erroneously sometimes call "the living"), so who exactly was I sad for?  During that pain I subjected myself to, through the tears and wails of sadness that echoed in my mind and out into the world, I came to realize something.  This death is NOT sad.  I am sad not because of the death itself, but because of the ATTACHMENT to that I thought of as "him".  "He" is gone forever as I knew him, and that attachment drove me to such pains as to effect all around me.  At that moment, the moment I let go of the attachment (which seems to me to be what the 5 stages of grief are...the process of "letting go" of the attachment) I was then able to feel the joy "his" soul must have felt in its passing.


I had not only created "him", I created my attachment to "him", I created my suffering in not having "him", and I created the conditions by which joy could allow itself to be in letting go of the attachment.  I created joy.  I am the Creator.


We all put ourselves in situations whether past, present, or future, where we create our universe.  Whether we want to or not, every situation we find ourselves in is of our own doing, and we create the situation and the condition by which we exist in that situation.  In those moments, we are faced with a choice: do I recognize myself as the creator of this moment and therefore created it in my own image or do I unconsciously allow my ego to create it for me so that I have someone else to blame?  Ownership of such responsibility is a daunting thing, one many are nor ready to take, but man the beauty one can find in exercising their right to create!!

Of course I created that too...




©2010 Thomas P. Grasso All Rights Reserved ☮ ℓﻉﻻ٥ ツ

A Moment of Nirvana

I felt time slip away as if nothing else had ever been. Long had this life owned me, the prevailing thought that pain was essential if for nothing else than the feeling that life itself existed. I had been beaten and prodded into such knowledge, the stinging hand and utensil of those who were assigned to teach me things like "love" and "life" crashed down on my body and mind like raindrops in a summer storm. They had been my teachers, they had been my mentors, they had been my Hell.

I remember when there were times I searched for the bravado to end my life. The anger and pain welled in me like a violent storm and manifested itself in such horror that I today stand a testament to extremes. I felt so alone as to know no one, and felt banished to a life of awkward desire in a moment mine to share alone. I could not feel close to anyone, I could feel their disappointment in me even before they could feel it. I knew that they hated me even before they did. I knew my life was over even before I closed my eyes for the final time.

There are many such moments of anguish that I can point to in my young life. I can attest to the bruises my parents either caused or allowed to be caused in the name of such love. I would long remember the words "I do this because I love you" as the pain rained down on me. I wondered if the belt loved me too, or the pot, or the stick, or the switch. I wondered in the deepest parts of me whether the love would ever stop, and toyed with ways to see it end. I lived homeless for a time to escape my tormentors. I lived beneath it all in order to not be beneath it all.

Such stories may remain for another time when they matter. Believe it or not, this story is not so much about the pain as it is the rise from it. It is about the perspective such experiences provided. It was about the knowledge born from such torment to know certain bliss. In a world of relatives I would be a testament to each side, failure and success, torment to freedom, fear to love. Perhaps, as I realize this very moment, I am the gift I give to the world. It is an understanding that has taken over 42 years for me to realize.

Autumn did come to this weary life. The first moment I felt time slip away from me was when my first daughter was born. That moment was fleeting yet frozen in time, a paradox unlike the feeling I had while in that moment. Such love had never crested from my heart before, such warmth had never touched my soul, such beauty never had my eyes beholden. I was lucky, I was able to experience that feeling again, the second time when I met my second wife, the third when my second daughter was born, and the fourth when my son was born. Those brief but everlasting moments of pure bliss, what I call "my touch with Nirvana" gave me an insight into a world I never thought existed. Yet, because of the pain I had known on so many levels, that insight would drive me into wanting to know and experience those moments of Nirvana over and over again and at will. Such is my journey at this moment.

When my first daughter was born, I cannot describe that feeling even as I remember it this moment. Indescribable is the only word to use. That feeling ended my first marriage to a rather obnoxious woman who was nearly me in female form. She hadn't known my pain, but she knew my toughness from it. I married her out of trust and a mutual admiration, but we shared little in our true natures as time would bear. Our paths began to part at that moment; a moment when I realized Bliss for the very first time, and a moment when she would laugh at me for the description. I see the birth of my first daughter as my rebirth, it allowed me a new perspective of healing and love that allowed such growth to continue to this day. As I relate it now, it was the golden outer skin of my onion beginning to peel away.

When the woman who would now be my wife met me, I was a mess even as I believed I was in control. I still feared love, despite the 7 years that had passed since my first moment of Nirvana probably more than I feared that pain of fear itself. Today, the idea of "fearing love" seems outlandish to me, but I lived such fear! The first time I saw my wife I felt something, but since she is the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on I gave up that moment to Aphrodite rather that to Cupid. Still, it took me months to get a date with her, and when I did I "knew I was in trouble". Gone were the promises of bachelorhood forever. Gone were the whimsical understanding of solitude when it suited me. Gone were my impressions of love and the fortress I had built to protect myself from it.

What I had built was a "fortress of solitude". So, while she saw walls built of the toughest stone, it was only I who had created that illusion. Those walls that kept her at bay were nothing more than fragile glass, easy to shatter but impossible to climb. Climb hard as she might, there was no getting to me in that way. No, I had created my own glass menagerie that contained those fierce animals that were me as a matter of survival, created to inflict pain before it was inflicted on me, to lie before I was lied to, to test before I was tested. It was not until she shared in my pain that her cries would shatter the illusion and allow me to hear the call of Love. The real understanding began not when those walls came crashing down, but rather when I forced the tools of demolition on her. She accepted them, took ownership of them, and used them as often as necessary to allow the light to be. She became my conduit for it all - the "good", the "bad", and the painful. Why she chose to bear the burden of such a cause I will never figure out, but such is the angel that picked me up, dusted me off, and healed me until this time came to be. The animals still exist, but they do not define my moments or own my actions. Rather, they serve as reminders to what was and what could be again.

We all need our angels, and mine came in the form of a 5'8" beauty with a heart of gold and a soul as pure as any I had ever met. She gave me two more gifts, a daughter and a son. Ah, those moments of pure bliss that come with the birth of your child! And in the time that stretched between then and now there have been similar moments; the first steps, the first words, the first time they look at you as if you are something to them, the first moments when they act like they understand themselves. The creation never ends, it abounds in every moment of every day for every soul. You begin to see that no one moment is more special than the other, they are all equally special in the creation of them. Such are the numerous moments of Nirvana born of the first.

Forgiveness of my parents came for me not as some painstaking process, but rather as the realization that I owed them something for the beauty they showed in the Hell they created for me. Slowly, I began to forgive myself for the pain I had caused others, for the brutal violence, for the lust, for the unabated energy I devoted to the quest of ego. Now, I see forgiveness as an automatic mechanism of love, it happens without request and without effort therefore is no longer "forgiveness" as I once knew it. I see that there is no "good" or "bad" in the world as a result of my being able to experience Divine intention. I turn my focus from fear to focus of love, and the results are that the world has a lot more color and warmth to it. I can relate to those in distress and those causing it. I can see the Divine perfection in all things, and in that they are all equal. Forgiveness does not exist, nor do miracles. I am here, I am now, and I am perfect in this, my moment of Nirvana.


©2010 Thomas P. Grasso All Rights Reserved ☮ ℓﻉﻻ٥ ツ